My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
