one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
