Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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