I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
