Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
