all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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