My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
