no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
