I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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