y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
