there's paper in my vomit.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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