I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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