Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
