Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
