She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
