haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
