I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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