I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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