Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
