I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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