Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
