You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
