i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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