drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
