im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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