Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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