I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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