the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize