Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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