i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
