either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We need to rekindle our bromance
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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