I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
