When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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