i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
