Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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