Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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