Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
