I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
