my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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