this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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