I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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