I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
