Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They took my balls.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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