Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
