absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
