I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You are a genius and a whore.
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