ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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