This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
