Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
