you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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