I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
