What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
