drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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