dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Someone came in the potted fern
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
