You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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