I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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