Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
