How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
