Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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