I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
