Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize