Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
