i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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