I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
