Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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