I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
