I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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