I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
