Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
