My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
