Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
