If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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