Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
