Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
