its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
