i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
