are you still at the devil's house?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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