I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
