You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
