I didn't shave. On purpose
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
