She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
